What if you don't make it?
What if things don't turn out the way you want them to?
What if you end up as a failure, letting down everybody who believed in you?
What if you amount to nothing, and the energy you're expending brings no reward?
You might as well quit making a fool of yourself and find something better to do.
...
This is only a glimpse of the track that has been playing in my head for the last couple of weeks.
I often find myself slipping into this headspace, where I doubt myself and the possibility of making anything substantial out of my life.
I start to feel like a naive player at a slot machine, pouring my time, energy, and resources into the game with so much enthusiasm, unaware that it is literally impossible to win. The game itself is engineered for me to lose.
Now, of course, I know this is not necessarily true. If you think about it logically, with enough iterations on a long-enough time horizon, the chances of anybody succeeding at what they do becomes relatively high.
The issue, however, is that when I enter that state of mind, logic goes out the window, emotions take over, and I find myself in a rut from which I struggle to dig myself out of.
In a bid to find a lasting solution to this problem, driven by a growing sense of frustration, I started looking for answers. Is this a seasonal phase that everybody goes through? Could there be a flaw in my own mindset? Are there specific strategies or techniques proven to be effective?
After searching, I found some interesting answers that I have started to implement. Since this is more of a mindset problem, the solution has to be a mindset shift. The results have been liberating, and I'll be sharing 3 of those mindset shifts with you.
1. The reward for your effort isn't just what you're making, but also who you're becoming in the process.
A famous TikToker once said,
"I asked for strength and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.
I asked for wisdom and God gave me problems to solve.
I asked for courage and God gave me dangers to overcome.
My prayers were answered."
Although, I'm not sure of the theological accuracy of this statement; I believe you get the point.
Very often, you'll have periods where you wonder if it'll ever work out... periods where it seems like you're just wasting your time. You'll face roadblocks... both internal and external. You'll suck at the thing you're working on, especially at the beginning. You'll doubt if you even chose the right thing to start with. You'll be tempted to abandon it all and start afresh, working on something else.
But you need to remember, that the most valuable part of this journey isn't the thing you're working on, but who you're becoming along the way. The current version of you cannot achieve all the things you want, so you have to surrender to the process and let it build you into a worthy candidate.
While reading Jack Canfield's book, "How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be," I came across a relevant section I'll use to close out this point:
“If you take the approach that 'good' is not an accident - that everyone and everything that shows up in your life is there for a reason - and that the universe is moving you toward your ultimate destiny for learning, growth, and achievement, you'll begin to see every event - no matter how difficult or challenging - as a chance for enrichment and advancement in your life.
Make a small sign or poster with the words, What's the opportunity that this is?”
2. Stop thinking in terms of days and weeks, and start thinking in terms of years and decades.
After some extensive self-reflection, I've come to realize that the majority of the time I fall into that negative headspace, it is triggered by a mismatch between my expectations and reality. I had anticipated achieving certain goals or seeing certain results by now, but things haven't turned out the way I thought they would.
For instance, perhaps you've always dreamed that by the time you turn 25, you would own your own home, drive a nice car, and be married to the love of your life. However, at the age of 25, none of these aspirations have materialized. In such a position you would find yourself overwhelmed, feeling stuck and riddled with anxiety. The tendency to set rigid deadlines is human as it stems from the thrill of hope and ambition but can often lead to disappointment and consequently a burnout.
When you set a hard deadline for yourself, in my opinion, you're setting yourself up for failure. Why? Because, in most cases, you can't control the output. The only thing you can control is the input.
There's a popular saying that goes, The man who loves walking will walk further than the man who loves the destination.
My point is, at the end of the day, what matters most is that you pick a game you love to play and focus on playing it. Focus on showing up consistently, iterating as you move forward, and enjoying the process.
Don't limit yourself and make decisions based on the results you see in the early days and weeks. After all, if you've picked a game you love playing, you'd want to play for as long as possible. If you do this, the outcome will take care of itself. You are more or less guaranteed to reach the destination.
3. Reaching the destination is not what makes you successful.
This one was a bit tricky for me because it challenged my definition and understanding of what it means to be successful, but it was the most impactful mindset shift of the three.
We all have our own definition of success, whether consciously or not. It might be earning your first million, building a home, retiring your parents, or quitting your job to fully pursue your passion—whatever it is.
This might not seem like a problem at first but similar to setting deadlines for your goals, there are some damages it does that you need to be aware of.
When you have an ideal state or reality that you view as "being successful," what you're doing unknowingly is painting a picture which suggests that your current reality is below your desired one, which is not necessarily true.
Now you might argue with me that being broke and not having any assets is below being rich and living in abundance, but I'll contend that it depends on the context.
If you've taken action and embraced the previous two mindset shifts (committing to the process no matter what and thinking in years, not days), then the only thing separating where you are from where you want to be is time.
For instance, if you're already dedicated to learning and monetizing a skill (the input required), and you're willing to wait a long time to see the results, then you have already won. At this point, you're simply waiting for reality to align, which naturally takes time—thus the importance of thinking long-term. So, in the given context, being broke is not beneath being rich; rather, it is a stage behind being rich. Major difference.
Reaching the destination is not what makes you successful. The moment you go all in and start taking consistent steps towards that goal, you have already won. Because at that point, the only difference between you and the goal is time.
So, in the words of Alex Hormozi, 'You're not failing, you're just f*cking early.'
...
If you've read up to this point, then you're a real one. I really hope this helps. I'm trying to get better at long-form writing... Turns out I actually enjoy it, and it helps me think deeply. I also got a writing coach, so fingers crossed, the quality should be improving with time.
P.S. I love meeting new people with similar interests. If you're up for a casual 30-minute call about anything really, click here and I'll reach out to you.
Every negative event contains within it the seed of an equal or greater benefit.
- Napoleon Hill